…because I spit hot fire.
I don’t…I don’t fit in a box. Not societies box, not my mother’s box, not even the box I picked out for myself. I tried. I cut away pieces that were overflowing from the edges, keeping the lid from sealing all the way, but they just grew back. And then I got out. I don’t want to be in a box. Even if they’re different, they’re all still the same. They make people forget parts of themselves, become a shape they don’t want to be. Why would I want that? It’s cliche, but I dance to the beat of my own drum. And my drum beats a little faster than everyone else’s. And my dark is a little darker.
And I actually do the things I want to do. I cannot tell you how many people I talk to that say, “One day, I would love to (fill in the blank with achievable dream)” and my reply is always, “so do it.” But then they try to find reasons why they can’t. Not enough time? Bullshit. There is always time. And then they have no reason, and shrug it off. And then there it is; another lost dream that people just LET GO. Why? Why won’t everyone else do what they want? The other day my roommate said she wished she had a reason to wear a tutu in public, and I asked her why she needed a reason, and she said because if she didn’t, people would look at her funny. Whyyyy waste your life caring what anyone else thinks? You can’t please everyone, so you might as well just focus on not caring. I don’t. You don’t have to make sense. You can have a conflicting personality. IT’S OKAY. Seriously. Today I read the Communist Manfiesto and then colored for an hour. Make sense? No. It doesn’t have to.
And for the record, my boxes were pretty awesome. But no matter what the box, losing part of who you are is never worth it.
I wholeheartedly agree. Ashley, you are so incredibly eloquent when it comes to things of this nature.
My mother asked me the other day why I like going to shows so much, if it’s the same people playing. I couldn’t explain the feeling that I get when I see a band that I enjoy listening to play music live. Until I completely feel out of place at a show, I’m going to keep going because it is the only time that I can feel completely euphoric.
I’m graduating in a semester and now I look back and wonder if I made the right decisions. English and writing are something that I have loved studying but as I start looking for jobs, I question what the fuck is a B.A. in English going to get me?
Obviously, it’s too late to go back and change things. I don’t want to have regrets but I think I will.
